How To Quit Porn For Good

Question: How to quit porn for good?

Answer: Fix the life problem not the porn problem?

I get this question all the time and my answer is always the same. Compulsively looking at pornography is just a “symptom” of a deeper issue, a life issue. Alcoholics Anonymous calls it a “spiritual malady”. Whether you go for that idea or not does not matter. What matters is that you recognize that sex addiction and/or porn addiction is the maladaptive coping mechanism NOT the root of problem. Compulsively consuming porn is certainly a problem but the real problem lies underneath. The underlying issues or the “life problem” is where the focus of treatment should be and where a person can find long term recovery.

The real question someone should be asking themselves is “what is it that am I covering up that compulsive sexually behavior helps me cope?”. Answer this question and you have the key to long term recovery. Not the kind of recovery that is an uphill battle where you want to act out every day, have to go to of 12 step meetings every day multiple times a day and call your sponsor every day. The kind of recovery where abstaining from pornography becomes easy, automatic, enjoyable and expected. The kind of recovery where it becomes easy to stay away from the sexually compulsive behaviors that are creating chaos in your life. And where your life becomes an amazing expression of goals and personal development.

But what does this kind of recovery look like?

So many have been in therapy and/or 12 step groups for years but still can’t stay sexually sober long term. One of the biggest mistakes I see in the treatment of porn addiction is what I like to call the blame game. In therapy this looks like the therapist reviewing history with the client and looking for “reasons” the client ended up a sex addict. Or in 12 step groups members commiserating on how tough life is and all the bad things that have happened to them. Looking at the world and its harm to us is certainly therapeutic and necessary, however this is as far as most get. What’s the result? Minimal self-awareness and lack of recovery sufficient to interrupt the cycle of addiction.

What’s a better way to do this?

The only way to truly heal is to go beyond what others did and look at our own actions and reaction to the world outside of us. It’s by reflecting on ourselves that we can uncover what is underlying and causing the “symptom” of problematic sexual behavior. “Self-awareness” equals “wellness” equals “recovery”. We can not change what the world does or what others have done in the past but we can change how we react to it and what we learn from it. The result is better boundaries, better decision making, increased self-confidence and power to make choices in our lives. True personal development. The more clearly we see ourselves the more likely we are to change around the things we see. When this is done the life experience improves and staying away form sexual acting (including porn) becomes much easier.

Need Help?

If you are struggling with porn addiction and want to consider counseling, please feel free to “contact me” below and we can see if porn addiction therapy is right for you.