Is sex addiction a real thing?
This may be one of the most annoying debates I see in the addiction field. Why on earth would anyone would think that sex could NOT be an addiction. And yet there is technically no diagnosis for sex addiction and people try to debate how it’s not an addiction. Just like substance use disorder sex addiction has 4 primary symptoms:
An inability to stop the behavior once it starts (compulsion)
An inability to stay stopped even after the person promises never to do it again (mental obsession or pre-occupation).
An underlying affect that causes the person discomfort when they are away from the drug: in this case sexual acting out
Negative life consequences that result from the problematic sexual behavior (i.e. marital issues, legal issues, employment issues, financial issues etc.)
These same symptoms happen with all addictions including problematic sexual behavior. Yet the mental health industry does not acknowledge it as a diagnosis.
I believe that some of this has to do with stigma. Years ago, alcoholism was not viewed as an illness but rather a “weakness” where a person was selfishly and could not control their behavior. Over time the medical fraternity realized that the symptoms of alcoholism “had a life of its own '' and that the drinking continued despite a person's desire to stop. This was helped greatly by the concept of “powerlessness” coined by Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1930’s. Realizing that a person does not necessarily choose it has helped to change the stigma around it. No longer is the person a “bad person” but rather a “sick person” needing help.
Unfortunately sex addiction has not gained the same acceptance. When a person chronically cheats on their spouse they are seen as a “creep” or “a bad person”. There still remains apprehension to call it a disease or a diagnosable illness. They argue “how could the most basic human desire to procreate be an addiction”?
Here’s the difference. Sex addiction has very little to do with “sex”. The sexually addicted person is looking more for relief than the actual act of sex. The “chase” or the ritual of acting out is more important than the sex act itself. The sex addict has a ritual that puts them in a trance like state. And it’s this trance like state that they are seeking more than the pleasurable experience of sex itself. The chemical reaction in the brain resulting from this trance is similar to chemical addiction because it triggers the brain's rewards system of dopamine production. And so one might argue that sex addiction is more of a chemical addiction than a sex addiction.
At the end of the day, one can’t deny that the compulsive nature of repeated sexually problematic behavior behavior with serious consequences, qualifying sex addiction as a true addiction.
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If you are struggling with sex addiction and want to consider counseling, please feel free to “contact me” below and we can see if sex addiction therapy is right for you.