What’s Sex Addiction? Sex Addiction Broken Down…

The primary symptom of sex addiction is the inability to stop despite negative consequences. In other words, when a person who struggling with sexually compulsive behavior tries to stop they find that they can not do it. No matter how important the necessity or wish they can’t stop. It’s an addiction, they lack the control necessary to stop the behavior.

To make matters worse sexual acting out typically causes multiple internal and external consequences. Broken marriages, lost jobs, legal issues to name a few. And these consequences continue to progress over time. Their problems and ability to function in life become so overwhelming that many never regain control.

But What’s Really Going On?

Let’s break this down more clearly so you can understand what’s happening. Following are 3 primary indicators of hypersexual disorder.

#1 - Physical Compulsion

When a person with sex addiction starts acting out they usually find it very difficult to stop. For example, they might start looking at pornography and hours go by without notice. Just like an alcoholic they can’t stop after the first drink. The porn surfer often continues for hours and hours at a time. They literally get into a trance state that is difficult to stop abruptly. 

Another way to describe this is to say “when a person starts they can’t stop”. Eventually, however the acting out ends and the person emerges remorseful telling themselves they won’t to do it again. Remorse followed by a promise to themselves or to others that this will be the last time. Or that they will moderate better next time.

#2 - Mental Obsession

After they promise to never do it again, sometime in the near future their mind goes back to the “desire” to act out sexually. This comes on as a subtle thought or idea followed by a mental debate about how they promised they would never do it again. But the desire to act out is persistent and recurring. The urge keeps coming back over and over until they give into the desire and act out again. Starting the whole cycle over. No strong wish or reasoning can deter them from acting out. The mental obsession wins out almost 100% of the time. This is the cycle of addiction, the mental obsession followed by the almost certain return to the behavior.

So the main issues is the mental obsession. To overcome sex addiction one must get control of the mental obsession. In sex addiction therapy the goal is to facilitate a healing process that removes the “mental obsession” since once this is removed the individual finds themselves easily able to stop their behavior.

Here is how we fix this in the context of sex addiction treatment…

#3 - The Life Problem, The Sober Problem

Many think that the sex addict ONLY needs to stop their behavior and then everything will be ok. This turns out to be not entirely true. The real problem is not only the behavior but unresolved difficulties the person uses sexual acting out to cope. The acting out is the solution to the life issue not the problem itself. Its only a symptom of a deeper problem. When we look at sex addiction from this view it seems to be more of a “life problem” or the “sober problem”. Typically there is an array of underlying issues which the addicted person is unaware. These range from mild restlessness to serious clinical conditions.

In sex addiction treatment the key is to not only create a behavioral structure of sober supports but to immediately follow that up with deep inner healing of the underlying causes of the addiction. When this is done the sexually addicted person finds it much easier to control their desire to act out and can achieve sexual sobriety.

Need Help?

If you are struggling with sex addiction and want to consider counseling, please feel free to “contact me” below and we can see if sex addiction therapy intensive is right for you.